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10 Of Patrick’s Funniest Quotes Ranked

Nickelodeon’s animated show SpongeBob SquarePants has plenty of comedy, especially when it comes from none other than Patrick Star — here are the funniest Patrick Star quotes. The fifth-longest running American animated series, SpongeBob SquarePants got its start on the air in 1999 and has been so successful that it has spawned three movies, two spinoff shows, with four additional films planned for Paramount+, Netflix, and one that will be in theaters. The series follows SpongeBob who lives in the underwater city Bikini Bottom and frequently interacts with friends Patrick Star, Sandy Cheeks, works for Mr. Krabs at the Krusty Krab, and lives next to his long-suffering coworker Squidward Tentacles.

Due to appealing to both kids and adults, there have been plenty of dark SpongeBob fan theories over the years, but the series should be taken at face value. While all of the characters on SpongeBob are funny, none are quite as dimwitted and quotable as his neighbor and best friend, Patrick Star. Patrick is a starfish that literally lives under a rock, and he has not one working brain cell to speak of, usually resulting in some hysterical Patrick Star quotes. While Squidward and Sandy are usually the fan favorites, Patrick stands out as one of the funniest characters on the show, delivering some truly memorable one-liners.



10 “Well, I’ve Done All I Can Do.”

Season 2, Episode 9 “Survival of the Idiots”

SpongeBob and Patrick don’t necessarily have the time of their lives while Sandy is hibernating. She beats them up severely, believing they are Dirty Dan and Pinhead Larry, and afterward, the pair are stuck inside her treedome in a snowstorm thanks to a frozen door. Their attempts to open it back up results in one of the funniest Patrick Star quotes.

Patrick walks up confidently, believing an “open sesame!” will do the trick, and seconds later, admits defeat and says “Well, I’ve done all I can do.” Patrick gives up pretty quickly, which is on par given his track record. Yet, even from a simple quote, Patrick knows how to make comedy out of just about every moment.

9 “I Can’t See My Forehead.”

Season 2, Episode 5 “Patty Hype”

Spongebob and Patrick angry

Patrick is usually happy and in a good mood, not unlike SpongeBob. Therefore, it’s funny when even the little things make Patrick mad, like the fact that he couldn’t see his forehead, obviously one of the funniest Patrick Star quotes. Naturally, his mood changes in an instant when he finds out why SpongeBob was mad, and Patrick tells his buddy how much he loves SpongeBob’s idea to sell pretty patties.

Patrick may get mad on occasion, but he doesn’t stay that way for long. The fact that he was mad because of the stated reason above is pretty hilarious since no one can see their own foreheads unless they’re looking in a mirror after all.

8 “Well Maybe It Is Stupid, But It’s Also Dumb.”

Season 3, Episode 17 “The Camping Episode”

SpongeBon and Patrick talking in SpongeBob SquarePants

Patrick could’ve been a good lawyer; the only trouble is, he’s too good at arguing with himself. Take the example of when he and SpongeBob were telling Squidward about the dangers of sea bears in the season 3 installment “The Camping Episode,” and Squidward certainly didn’t believe the two best friends, resulting in one of the funniest Patrick Star quotes.

Squidward went on to tell them how stupid he thought the very idea of sea bears were, to which Patrick replied by saying “Well maybe it is stupid, but it’s also dumb.” Once again, Patrick had a moment where he’s incredibly hilarious and doesn’t even know it.

7 “The Inner Machinations Of My Mind Are An Enigma.”

Season 2, Episode 15 “The Secret Box”

Patrick holding a box with SpongeBob glaring at him in SpongeBob SquarePants

As part of a running gag on SpongeBob Squarepants, Patrick will occasionally show his smarts and use big words to formulate his thoughts, as is the case with one of the funniest Patrick Star quotes “The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.”

Patrick is keeping the contents of a secret box just that: a secret. Much to SpongeBob’s consternation, Patrick won’t allow his best friend to see what’s inside, leading to SpongeBob deciding to try to steal the box and find out for himself its contents. Patrick isn’t as complicated as he says he is, but it doesn’t take away the comedy of this quote.

6 “Is Mayonnaise An Instrument?”

Season 2, Episode 15 “Band Geeks”

Patrick holding an instrument with Sandy sitting beside him in SpongeBob SquarePants

Poor Squidward is in over his head when it comes to forming and leading a band, especially with Patrick as one of his pupils. Patrick isn’t the smartest in Bikini Bottom, dishing out some hysterical Patrick Star quotes, but he certainly creates a memorable moment when asking if mayonnaise is an instrument.

It’s even funnier that Squidward knows which condiment Patrick will ask about next when he lets the starfish know that horseradish is not an instrument either. Patrick didn’t have a great band practice that first night between confusing condiments with instruments and becoming a part of his instrument after he made the mistake of kicking Sandy. However, Patrick’s misfortune makes for a great SpongeBob episode.

5 “24!”

Season 3, Episode 13 “New Student Starfish”

Patrick standing with a desk around him in SpongeBob SquarePants

When SpongeBob invites Patrick to go with him to boating school, it starts out as fun and games. From Patrick’s nervous introduction as “24”, he and SpongeBob, in true best friend fashion, make a joke out of it and determine that 25 is even funnier. However, the fun and games and hysterical Patrick Star quotes soon grow stale for the pair as Patrick repeatedly gets SpongeBob in trouble. Still, out of all the things Patrick could’ve said when Mrs. Puff asked him for his name, 24 is pretty random, and obviously, incredibly hilarious.

4 “Leedle Leedle Leedle Lee.”

Season 2, Episode 13 “Shanghaied”

SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward with the flying Dutchman

Patrick not only entertains audiences with some of the funniest Patrick Star quotes, but also himself. When forced by the Flying Dutchman to be a part of his crew, SpongeBob and Patrick reluctantly agree to take part in the Dutchman’s reign of terror over Bikini Bottom, so to speak, after witnessing Squidward be tossed into the “Fly of Despair.”

While out and about, the Dutchman howls, SpongeBob laughs, and Patrick sings “leedle leedle leedle lee” while steering the ship. It’s nothing short of ultimate hilariousness watching Patrick have the time of his life singing, and of course, damaging the Dutchman’s ship in the process.

3 “No, This Is Patrick!”

Season 2, Episode 3 “Big Pink Loser”

Patrick on the phone in SpongeBob SquarePants

Patrick’s agitation grows each time someone calls and asks if they’ve reached the Krusty Krab, and Patrick responds that it’s him they’re talking to instead, resulting in one of the most iconic Patrick Star quotes. In true Patrick fashion, he explodes on the last caller and grumpily utters that he’s not a Krusty Krab until SpongeBob informs him that that’s the name of the restaurant.

Patrick had a hard time working at the restaurant even with his best friend SpongeBob there to help. Despite his obstacles, Patrick still earned what he had gone to work to get anyway: a trophy. Plus, he gained quite a few laughs while audiences watched him attempt to navigate the working world.

2 “It’s Not My Wallet.”

Season 2, Episode 11 “Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III”

Man Ray trying to give Patrick his wallet

While trying to teach Man Ray lessons in being a good person, Patrick is far from a good teacher to the villain, instead giving audiences one of the funniest Patrick Star quotes. In fact, Patrick primarily succeeds in annoying Man Ray to the point of the villain wanting to commit crime once again; like, wanting to rip Patrick’s arms off when Patrick refuses to take his own wallet back. Patrick claims multiple times that the wallet that Man Ray is trying to return to him isn’t his, even when Man Ray points out Patrick’s license is inside. Leave it to Patrick to turn an irritable moment into comedic gold.

1 “Where’s The Leak, Ma’am?”

Season 2, Episode 14 “Frankendoodle”

SpongeBob looking up and Patrick dazed after being hit by a wrench in SpongeBob SquarePants

While out with SpongeBob trying to put an end to the evil DoodleBob, Patrick takes a few good hits to the head, the first of which being a good-sized wrench landing right on his head and with Patrick uttering one of the funniest Patrick Star quotes in a daze. Poor Patrick only had seconds to recover before DoodleBob then aimed a bowling ball right for Patrick’s face.

Even with what obviously was a serious head injury, Patrick still had a witty quote to go with one of the most meme-able SpongeBob SquarePantsepisodes. Audiences probably wouldn’t trust him to fix their plumbing, but they certainly can expect a hilarious quote from him in just about any circumstance.

This story originally appeared on Screenrant

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